Giving Love is Different Than Receiving Love
A few years ago Gary Chapman wrote a book titled, The Five Love Languages and developed a quiz to discover your Love Language. Thus, everyone was super into asking "What's Your Love Language?" The premise of his book and quiz is, if we know how others receive love, we can give them what they require. Many people have claimed the book changed their lives, saved their marriages and even helped them understand themselves better.
Every year for the past 3 years I have taken the quiz. I usually take it in April because that's when it pops up in my email inbox saying "Hey take me again and see what's changed". Little changes from year to year. My Love Languages are pretty consistent. Receiving Gifts is always at the bottom. Acts of Service and Physical Touch are always vying for the top spot. Words of Affirmation and Quality Time get mixed in the middle somewhere. Yet, if you asked my friends they would likely tell you Gifts is my top love language. WHY? I LOVE to give gifts. To see a smile on someone's face when they open a gift warms my heart. However, that is simply the surface look.
I strive to be extremely thoughtful in the gifts I give. I once made a grown man cry, at work, in front of all of his co-workers because of my gift. That's not my goal but I do want every person who receives a gift from me to know, this gift was (mostly) purchased specifically with you in mind. So what kind of gifts do I give? Well, for Christmas 2017 I gave, my #Squad, mugs with their initial on it or a decorated wine glass, depending on what their "flavor" is. Only one person got something completely different and that's because she doesn't drink alcohol or coffee. She got an adapter with 5 plugs because she travels. A LOT. For Valentine's Day 2018, I gave my neighbor a card that had a 45 record of Aretha Franklin's Respect in it because he loves records. Another friend, I gave a book of 45ish (the book had 50 but some of them just didn't apply to someone who is just a friend) things I love about him. He's just a friend but we decided to be "lovers" (aka go to lunch together) on Valentine's Day because we wanted to commemorate the day but had no one special to do it with. Also known as, spend Quality Time with each other.
If you pay close attention to the gifts I give, you will realize they are more than just gifts. The book was really a bunch of Affirmations. The mugs and wine glasses nods to my Quality Time spent with these friends or something of Service to them in their lives. Why is realizing this important? First, because, as Gary noted, everyone doesn't receive love in the same way. Second, everyone doesn't GIVE love in the same way. Lastly, the way that someone gives love is not necessarily how they receive love.
Love, the verb, is a complex word and concept to understand but really considering Love Languages is very helpful. If you haven't read the book or taken the quiz YOU SHOULD! Follow the links above and see what if anything, you learn about yourself.
For the Record My Results from the Last 3 Years are Below:
April 2016 April 2017 February 2018
10 Acts of Service 8 Physical Touch 8 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch 7 Acts of Service 6 Physical Touch
6 Quality Time 5 Quality Time 6 Quality Time
4 Words of Affirmation 5 Words of Affirmation 6 Words of Affirmation
3 Receiving Gifts 5 Receiving Gifts 4 Receiving Gifts
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